Red Shirt Cologne...
\"Do you think your boss has it in for you? Feel like everything is going against you?Are you depressed and unhappy with the way your life is going? Ready to end it all? Then we have the answer for you!\" Brilliant transporter effects bring the bottle into view.
\"Red Shirt Cologne is the simplest solution to all of your worries. Spritz yourself in three strategic locations (best results achieved at neck, over heart, and in the middle of the back), and watch as every predator or violently impulsed humanoid comes right at you for the kill.\"
Cut to any Star Trek scene with a Red Shirt getting killed.
\"And the best part is, it will have completely evaporated before any police investigation takes place, meaning your family will still get a full insurance settlement.\"
Fine print on screen:
\"Be sure to burn all receipts for this product, and do not purchase it by credit card or cheque. Manufacturers not responsible for attempting to claim \'loss of life\' on car insurance policies.\"
