My life\'s come crashing down....

[Talion]

ok.....I\'ve always wanted to avoid putting up a topic like this but as the title says, my life has come crashing down around my ears, and I really don\'t know which way to turn.

The story.

My girlfriends a lawyer.....she\'s worked all her life to become one. I met her nearly 7 years ago when she was in her last year of uni/college. I knew what i was getting into then, I knew that her work would be a big part of her life, though oh well, i can handle it. She has also always had a busy social life, again something i knew from the off set.

In the past 6 month, I have felt the full impact of both her work and social life, and have been pushed completley to one side......Unfortunatley I\'m always try to deal with things in my head so have never said anything to her. But 2 weeks ago I snapped and it all came out......last week I moved back with my mother.

We talked on Sunday about it, and deep in my heart I feel the realtionship is over, something is missing. She obviously cried as this was a bolt out of the blue for her, and said it can\'t be over I haven\'t given her a chance to make it right.

Here\'s the complication:

During the past 6 months, I have started getting feelings for a friend who I already know has feelings for me. We have been out a few times just to talk about stuff.

Now my heads in all over the place.....I have feelings for both of them, and don\'t really know where my heart lies. I have moved back in with my girlfriend cause she wanted the opportunity.
I\'m doing it more to find out who I care for more. Which ever way I turn I\'m gonna break someones heart, a best friend or my current girlfriend.

I know no-one can tell me what to do, but.....I\'m screwed. I feel like running away.

 

[cfwheeler58]

Been There....

I feel your pain. Been there myself. Mine was worse only in that I had children as well.

Best advice I can give after working through all my own bullsh*t...

Clear your head of both women as best you can for a few minutes.
Sit down and write out a list of the 5 to 10 most important things YOU want to do with YOUR life.
Then imagine trying to achieve these things with each of these gals at your side.
You will probably be surprised by the result.
If one is clearly a better choice, sit down with her and discuss what you wrote down.
Then be sure to discuss HER goals and see where it leads.

Here\'s the thing.....you can\'t live your life making someone else happy at the expense of yourself.
A lot of people find that out too late in their life or their relationship.
I could be wrong, but it sounds like that is what you\'ve been doing.....

Conversely, if you are pursuing your own goals with someone who can partner with you on that journey,
you stand a really good chance of you BOTH being happy.

If your current girl is completely obsessed with work, that\'s not likely to change...
unless she would rather be a mom. That\'s a different can of worms.

Not to be cold, but my experience tells me she will most likely be happy with one of two types of guy:
- Someone from her professional world who is like her and \"gets it\"
- Someone who will put her first all the time and give her the room she wants/needs.

That\'s my take, 15 years after my own fork in the road.

CFW

 

[spazzy]

Lesson number one in relationship communication...never let something build up until you snap. If you are having a problem with something talk it out with her before it becomes a huge problem. I know, it\'s too late now. But just because she\'s been busy socially and professionally before you entered her life doesn\'t mean that she can\'t clear a little space for you if you just ask for it.

It sounds to me like you are missing attention that you wanted from your girlfriend, and your other friend filled that void for you, hence the attachment you two are forming. You really need to be clear on your relationship or lack of with your current girlfriend before you decide to think about others. And as the two of you have been together for so long and living together, then I\'m not sure jumping from that relationship right into another one is really a good idea.

If after seven years with your current girlfriend this is the biggest problem you\'ve had, then I think that your relationship deserves a chance to heal, and she deserves a chance to make it right. Just quitting right now wouldn\'t be fair to her.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it\'s a decision you will be able to look back on without guilt.

 

[vincegamer]

Have you considered polyamory?

Of course this is not the time to bring it up.

You have to really reflect on your own feelings as to why you want to give the GF a chance. Your feelings for the other woman may be based primarily in the fact that it\'s a new thing, and you have different hormones acting on your brain when a relationship is new. They don\'t last, though those feelings can be replaced with different warm fuzzies associated with a committed relationship.

It\'s self-reflection time.
The first thing you need to work on though is probably expressing your feelings. You said it built up and exploded and that she didn\'t see it coming. Clearly you\'re not talking enough.

 

[dauber22]

Originally posted by cfwheeler58

Here\'s the thing.....you can\'t live your life making someone else happy at the expense of yourself.
A lot of people find that out too late in their life or their relationship.
I could be wrong, but it sounds like that is what you\'ve been doing.....

Wiser words were never spoken. I, too, have learned the truth of this the hard way.
Just remember: no matter how much life sucks, it beats the alternative!

 

[Dragon Forge Design]

Life is to short to spend it with someone deep down you know you will not be happy with cause when its all said and done were all just dirt waiting to be reclaimed..
My suggestion is follow your hear, take some time off with this girl and see others and above all spend some time with yourself.. that whole running away.. might not be a bad idea..not forever of course but maybe for a week..take some time to yourself and think about what you really really want from your life.

To me it sounds like the relation ship with the laywer was over long ago you just didnt know how to cut ties.

 

[TAB Studio]

I am with cf as well
I am finally happy in my forties and spent 18 years giving it another try .. It physically darn near killed me because I was quiet like you .... think hard because if you are blissfull happy another person never gets close to your mind the one you have is the end all be all.

 

[usurpator]

two things:
A/ give yourself time, this is not an easy situation, it\'s normal for you to take time
B/talk with them! talk, share, put it all on the table! This is the only way.

Best of luck, friend!

 

[Infidel Castro]

Ach, chin up fella. Chin up.

 

[freakinacage]

aye, chin up. if you ever fancy a pint - i\'m not far away, send me a pm

 

[Talion]

Cheers guys......I know this is trivial compared to other peoples problems, but at the moment this seems the biggest problem in the world.

I guess a big problem is I\'m scared shitless of making the wrong choice....If it was only my life i was destroying I could handle it but it\'s not.

Hey Ho - I\'m a big believer in fate, so I\'m sure something will happen to bring this to an end. :~(

 

[vincegamer]

Whoa.
Talk about putting yourself under pressure.

Neither your nor anyone else\'s life will be ruined by this.
The result of this shakeup, whatever it may be, will not be the act of devastation you make it out to be.
You and they will become wiser, and stronger, for this experience.
There are no \"wrong\" choices, only choices that lead down different paths. Take the path you think will make you happiest.

 

[dauber22]

Originally posted by vincegamer

You and they will become wiser, and stronger, for this experience.

True. Very true. :yes: Hence the fact that I am a certified genius AND able to lift and carry a Winnebago

 

[uberdark]

dauber you cant do this since you are the size of a newt and lack the intelligence to lift a winnebago because your brain is split into three.

now if superdauber were here......well thats a whole other story.

lol

 

[vincegamer]

Sure he could...






provided it was my favorite childhood toy, the Tonka Winnebago!
(I really miss that )

 

[airhead]

Originally posted by Talion
Cheers guys......I know this is trivial compared to other peoples problems, but at the moment this seems the biggest problem in the world.

Right now, in your life, this is the biggest problem in the world. Take the time to make sure you are doing what YOU need to do. Don\'t rush or be rushed into a decision here.

I guess a big problem is I\'m scared shitless of making the wrong choice....If it was only my life i was destroying I could handle it but it\'s not.

Then don\'t make a choice for a while. The good thing is that she is/was(?) your girlfriend, not your wife. No legal binding commitments have been made.

Hey Ho - I\'m a big believer in fate, so I\'m sure something will happen to bring this to an end.

And I\'m a big believer in prayer, so I\'ll say a few that you make the right choice.
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